Star Power Syndrome

Pondering upon life and death and all the nostalgia of growing up and gaining momentum can put a lot of things into perspective. As a child, I was so adept at living and thinking like I was the next big thing, an unshakeable force. And I think it's common knowledge that most of us as children believe that success and fame and riches will all be waiting in the wind whenever we decide to grab it. It's quite a abrupt realization when you wake up one day, and the idea of being Mr. Big Shot isn't so clear, it's not so much in the foreground as it is in the clouds. I think I'm fine with not winning anything. I'm fine with not having my name in lights or being a household name. I'm fine not being a Facebook all-star or Twitter famous or an unstoppable Instagram force. Like a lot of things in life, these are all temporary. They are all vain perceptions of a generation living in a bubble. A bubble that will one day pop leaving those inside dirty and worn-out. Not physically worn-out but exhausted from all the energy they spent from trying to become this useless virtual version of themselves.

  Maybe I'm preaching to the choir or becoming a broken record. Maybe none of you will read this for my lack of internet prowess is too low to even be acknowledged. All of that is just fine with me, because I am already successful. I am rich in love. Rich in family. Blessed every day with the ability to roll myself out of bed(easier said than done), splash water on my face, and feel alive. And for that, I want to thank all of you. Those who are apart of my life right now. Those who have been apart but have been absent for one reason or another. Those who I have yet to meet but are already pre-ordained to become a part of my life. And yes, even you, virtual rockstar, for without you we wouldn't know where the decay of good-natured human beings began or how the morality and affability in our strung-out, addiction-crazed society disappeared. I am fine with blending in with the crowd, because to some people, and you know who you are, I am the star, in real life, in the flesh. And that's all I really need.

-DD

A sunburn is just what I needed.

They say people change like the seasons. But her? Nah, she was like a never ending summer. She kept me alive with her late nights and spontaneity. She was hot, like the pavement in August. Her face shined like the sun on my drives home from work. That laugh, well, it was as infectious as the boys' across the street streaking through the stream of a simple lawn sprinkler. Everything was simpler when she was around. It was the birds chirping and the flowers blooming type of feeling. Things normally seen so commonplace, you forget they are happening, but when you really stop to look and listen, it can truly take one's breathe away. And above all, I loved her like teenage boys and girls love a summers night out. I relished every moment, knowing that if I didn't take my chances, she would be gone, too, like the heat. Too many times I've been left in winters cold, and this particular time, I vied not to get complacent. I wanted to suck in the pollen. Feel the heat. Climb her like a tree. For the first time in my life, I knew what it was like to be me.

-DD

Just what the doctor ordered.

It didn't begin the way most love stories do, and let's be honest, what does anymore? But it was planted with hope, with openness, with belief, that what they were doing was going to grow. The seedling started to slowly makes it's way out of the ground, making them start to take notice. Through the coming months, though, it was battered with fear of commitment, and the busyness of everyday life. But nonetheless, it stayed rooted to the ground, and the longer they saw it there, the more frequent they began to water it. The more often they began to prune the bad from it, making it come alive. And slowly, but surely, it grew and it grew, till it's strength could weather any storm that was thrown at it. It's flowers bloomed into beautiful flowers, and those involved gazed at it with great hope. That together, they can make beautiful things happen despite all that might be thrown at them. They called it love.

This fruit salad is lacking some ingredients...

  I tend to rack my brain every dull moment and start to get extremely introspective on what this is all for. No, I don't have a clear definition, if I did, the whole thing would be over. I have a few ideas though. Maybe we should stop standing flat footed on the track and leap into the grass, leaving our jeans stained in green. Maybe we should start living deliberately. We should give up on trying to squeeze ourselves into that mold that's overused and commonplace. We are way too big for that. Big in a sense that we have so much unabridged ability that it would be disastrous to be frozen and dropped into someones drink just to provide them with some comfortability, only to melt and be deemed no good, and thrown out. I want to be on the top shelf, the one that we reached for when we were little kids. We grow up and everything becomes so easy to grab ahold of, and yet, there are still vast amounts that haven't been acknowledged yet. Don't ever stop reaching, stretching, searching for all that there is. Light yourself up and soar into the sky until you burn out. Until it is black.



The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, but it can be made into sauce, cider, or pie. The epitome of existence. Make yourself into whatever you choose, be fearless, fruitful, and passionate in whatever you endeavor. Dream so deep that the thought of them running dry becomes absurd in your mind. Step off the ledge, fall face first into the sea of subsistence.

Awakening, Unabridged

The sun came up, just like every other ordinary day. This day seemed different though. The sun shined a little brighter, the wind blew a little brisker, and my heart beat a little harder. I breathed in deep, as if I was trying to suck in every last bit of oxygen available in the air. I ran my fingers through my hair, caressing every strand as it escaped the grasp of my hand. Then, I began to walk. I began to think. I began to see. All of this world's vast uncertainties were put here for you and me. To explore. To travel. To adventure. To never settle. To grab life by the throat and choke the life out of it. It's interesting how we are conditioned to follow this straight and narrow path of pre-conceived righteousness. So many of us need to tear the blindfold from our eyes, pull the plugs out of our ears, and examine the entity of our lives. I began to get sick to my stomach, but I trudged on, one heavy-hearted step after the other. A break in the pavement caused me to lose my balance, leaving my palms scraped and knees dirty. As I began to reposition my sunglasses onto my face, I looked up at the sun. It's brightness and warmth opened me up. Just then, I began to run. In my best Forrest Gump impression, I ran until I couldn't run anymore, taking in every facet of life around me. Indeed, I had the best behind-the-scenes look at the most original, beautiful set ever built. My life.

Today is my favorite day.

An overwhelming abundance of panic filled my chest as I walked briskly toward my most recent job interview. All the self-doubt, indecisiveness, and general lack of interest that had plagued me for so long had started to resurface itself back into my life. My mind was evaluating my goals and dreams as I pressed pavement onward. I worked so hard to justify me being where I am, I didn't want a little uneasiness to divert me from being successful. But then it hit me. I was miserable where I was at. The tie wearing, brain wracking, it was all a joke. These people around me, they were nothing. I was nothing. And if I got this job, I would continue to be nothing. We are all so caught up trying to be important and wealthy that we lose sight of our hearts. The most influential thing I was ever told was follow your heart. And damnit if I'm going to let some three hundred dollar shoe wearin' fuck tell me how to dress, when to get up, what to eat for breakfast, and how many creamers to drop into my coffee. People will tell me 'that's just the generation X coming out of you, lazy, good-for-nothing,  with your loose morals and unfulfilled dreams.'  Be it as it may, this whole life deal doesn't have to be cut and dry. Maybe I want to paint some days, finding solace in a sunrise. Maybe I want to travel, experience another world and all of the variances of life. Sometimes I might want to get dirty and work till my hands blister and my feet begin to bark. Or just delve into my soul and search my spirit for some truth. Maybe some days I just want to write. Write poems. Write prose. Write things so off the wall that even the sky can't comprehend what I'm trying to put down. Maybe I want to write about me and you, and all our nuances and idiosyncrasies  I could write about people I haven't even met yet. It's all too easy to turn into a matter of fact, a soldier in the trenches fighting his way to the top of the decaying pyramid which is his life. Instead, today, I am going to write.


And maybe the next day too.


-DD

One final go-round for this record...

  For some reason, I am filled with angst today. Maybe its the fickle weather throwing me off or something. At any rate, something about today irks me to the core. And maybe its not just today specifically. Maybe its all the days leading up to this one, finally my pail is full and overflowing.  I cannot even begin to fathom why people find it a necessity to dumb themselves down, to feel the need to document every insignificance that occurs in their lives, and to try and be someone they shouldn't ever want to be. Every single person that walks this Earth should want to be so exuberantly authentic that it seeps out of their pores and spews from their mouth every time they move their tongue. Everybody wants to be that corner puzzle piece, the ones that is immediately sought after, the first pick of the litter. I'd like to be that odd shaped little shit that you aren't so sure where the hell I go, or if I am even in this puzzle at all. We are all extraordinary and capable of extraordinary things, but until we stop wasting our time waiting for our membership to the cool club, we can never grasp our true selves. I guess I'll let my buddy Jack finish this one out.
   "The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes 'Awww!'"
“Great things are not accomplished by those who yield to trends and fads and popular opinion.”

One final thought. Can you imagine a world where every single person lived up to their full potential? This place would be a sight to see.

-DD