the lights are out, but everyone's home.

the only thing good about me is you.

he cries. she cries. everything they built together is torn to pieces. trust is gone. freedom is gone. she wants to give up. she wants to say goodbye, but he won't let her. there is something inside his being telling him that this is someting great, that this is something he shouldn't just give up on. she means to much to him. shes the only reason he's still alive. for the next few weeks she struggles with the pain, with the loneliness. Every inch of her wants to give up, but she doesn't. He won't give her that option. They now both know that they are the most important person in each others lives.
A hope is what they live on, but they'll never give up.

GARBAGE..yes

Things started small. Her touch was all he needed to wake up and realize that the life he was living wasn't a life at all, rather a meaningless void filling time until his death. Something had to change. Never did he think that she would transform who he was. Never did he think that she would turn him into a better person. Her hope for him made him believe in himself. That's all he ever really needed. Hope, and she had given it to him. Falling into his presence gave them both a chance. She had experiences under her belt that no one should ever go through. The pain she had seen is far greater than anything he had ever been through. I guess that's why they got each other so well. They both used each other as a crutch, a way to deal with the pain inside their own lives. He always thought God brought her into his life to help him, but then he realized that's exactly what he was doing for her. He was brought in to save her, but while he was doing that he fell in love.

Plans for Pity Party?

This blog is going to be a horrendous attempt at writing, but something is telling me to get my fingers to work, so here I go. I have erased and rewritten the beginning of this blog about fifteen times, and nothing seems to suffice to what I want to say. There is so much going on right now that I can't even pinpoint where to start. When things start to go good, you begin to take for granted the little things in life, like hanging out with friends, staying out late, etc., etc. I think its time I put a lot of shit into perspective for once. I am no good at being in a relationship. I can't seem to get over what others might think or what my own mind and body wants. I can't get close enough to a person anymore to be able to truly open up to them. I cannot tell you the last time I have confided in someone wholeheartedly. I have a pretty good group of friends, but sometimes I think they aren't friends at all. I have been treated so shitty by some people that I constantly think others just don't care. There have been times where I have gotten into some trouble, but no one seems to show any compassion. I feel like a tremendous wallflower screaming to get out of the background and into something with some substance. I know a lot of people think I am a shitty person, but I do the best I can to be me, whoever that is. Things have been less than perfect for me this year, but I guess I only have myself to blame for that.

I want to find a real friend who won't treat me like a last option or a bench player on a basketball team.

Thinking back on what I just wrote, I am sure most people who read this will not really care, but I guess that's all right. I'm not asking anyone to throw a pity party for me or anything. I just want to be shown love, compassion and wholehearted friendship.

I guess I am just another bleak gap in time. You know, the kind of moment where you forget right after.

If i was a flower growing wild and free...

I feel like I write too much about love. I am sure there are other topics I could pick, but this one just seems to fit my mood. I think I was blessed with the ability to love and to see love. If I never find love, so be it, but I'm glad I know how it feels. There are things that are hard to describe, but when you see them, it feels like love. I love those moments.
Moments like watching snow fall or drinking a cup o' tea with your friends in a bus filled with loving souls. Moments when things just seem perfect and you can smell love by the means of hot food and logs burning in a fire.

I guess this is what Christmas time does to you. It really makes you think and find what is important in life.

I feel like ending it here, not because I am weary or incompetent, but because maybe someone will read this and stop and think about all the things they love like butterflies and summer swims. Maybe someone will have the courage to go out and love on people he/she has never met and knows nothing about. I love little kids(no pun) because of their ability to love anyone and everyone for their insides rather than physical appearances.

the thing that poets right about
the thing that singers sing about
the thing that flowers bloom for
the thing that stars shine for
the thing that babies laugh for
the thing that jesus died for
the thing that winners wait for
the thing that trees reach for
the thing that addicts stop for
the thing that widows die for
the thing that proud are humbled for
the thing that lonely are looking for
the thing that made me come alive
the thing that made me realize
that love is the most beautiful thing
that anyone can happen to
-bmh

I am glad you love me.

Hopefully this provokes your mind(Probably not though).

Extragavant Love

One morning, with sleep still in my eyes, I headed to work and decided to stop of at a nearby gas station for a quick cup of coffee. This particular day was somewhat special. As I waited for my coffee, I saw something that made me tear up a bit. I’m doing a lot of that lately; there must be a lot of pollen or dirt in the air … or something.

Just ahead of me an old couple, probably in their 70s or 80s, pulled into a parking stall. I watched as the little old man slowly got out of the car, opened the trunk and pulled out a wheelchair. He folded the chair into the sitting position and wheeled it to the passenger’s side of the car, where he carefully and lovingly helped his beautiful little wife out of the car and into the chair. It was cold out this morning, and the fog was still lifting, so the old man reached into the back seat and grabbed a knitted blanket and tucked it around her shoulders. As he wheeled her away, I watched as he leaned down and gently kissed her on the cheek. As if it was the first kiss of their life together, she smiled, leaned into him, put her arm around his neck and hugged him tightly. As they walked off together, I was moved to my core.As I watched I couldn’t help but think of all the stories those two must share. Stories of young love, country roads and an old Chevrolet, a white wedding, the birth of their first child, the day he went off to war and the day he came home. How many moments of laughter have they shared? How many silent glances across a room? How many tears?People often ask me if I believe is the concept of “soulmates.” They wonder if love exists in the real world like it does in the movies. My answer is yes. Why? Because I see that kind of love extended to me by God. Scripture tells me that real love overcomes, real love gives, real love hopes and that real love is selfless (1 Corinthians 13). Two people who decide to receive the love of their God and then extend it to each other have the capacity to love more passionately and more extravagantly than any movie ever made.Love exists in moments. Moments like today when that old man kissed his wife, moments when we choose another over ourselves. I’m beginning to believe in love again, and today, in that moment, through the love of two old souls, God showed me that He still loves me.

Hello Bill O'Reilly, I have a question?

Something provoked me to write a new blog. I don't know if it is the fact that someone or no one gets anything out of this but it hardly matters now, since you, diligent reader, are already reading this wondering if I am a total psycho. Either way, my monologue of ramblings that I have been recording since the beginning of this week have proven some signfigance to myself in the idea of that I might actually learn something in direction towards my life. I guess this whole paragraph is a tiny tid-bit of why I write blogs and do the things I do.

Blantly, I'd like to serve out a couple thank-you's to a few people who have made this week noteworthy.

O.J. Simpson, thank you for brightening up my day. You have really proven to us all what a great person you truly are. If it wasn't for your headline on CNN, part of my week would be missing. Always remember, if the glove does not fit, you must acquit.

Black Americans and those alike fighting for racial justice, you really showed me how our country has progressed little since the times of MLK and Malcom X. When a white man can hang a noose from a tree and get off with nothing, while six black boys are put in jail for attempted murder at a school fight something is disturbingly wrong. I find this whole situation distraught but somewhat humorous. Oh society, just when you think racism is forever rolling in the dust, an incident like the Jena 6 brings it back for the death rattle. I suppose death rattle is not the appropriate term for the topic at hand here. Racism is still very much at hand, and is still very much a powerful, moving issue in the United States. Black Panthers, Stand Tall.

As of now, my week is ending in a semi-akward state. A few things have turned around for me, but a few others have dug themselves deeper into this rich, lush soil we call Freedom.

And to you, my good friend, have a joyous birthday. May the Lord bless you as you embark, no, begin the rest of your life. I know you might be a little nervous but I think that it could be the beginning of something very genuine and heartfelt.

Happy Birthday to you.

Happy Birthday to you.

Happy Birthday dear you.

Happy Birthday to you.

Jump off the bridge and take some risks. You still have the rest of your life.

That goes for all of you.

An informal greeting

Basing my mood on today's events, I'm still in sort of a melancholy state. While the rain dripped down my car window I thought about all the motives I have for not taking the wheel and swerving my car into oncoming traffic. To state myself here would be ridiculous for the list of reasons as to why I care to exist is extremely too long, nor do I care to explain myself to everyone in this world.

Writing is sometimes my form of medication. Everytime I swallow that 1000 mg pill of prose and pointless satire, it kind of numbs my insides from everything else, just focusing on what is at hand.

Once again I would like you to invite you into this world of mine. Updates will be coming more frequently as I have additional time to humor myself and hopefully some of you.

I'll see you all again soon.