On Finding Joy

Joy.

At what age do you stop searching for your joy and start living someone else's? 

Short Answer. Never. 

Long Answer. 

If you really start to take a look at life and happiness and joy, it probably comes as no surprise that most of us spend the majority of our days charged with fear. Fear of disappointing the heavens and the Earth and their preconceived notions on how we should or shouldn't be living our lives. On how we must concede our dreams, or at least consolidate and place them neatly on the shelf until the dust runs thick. We must not sell our souls for the easy, the standard, the unafraid. We must live large. We must stay wild. 

They (parents, teachers, bosses, husbands, wives, etc.) don't decide your role on this Earth. They don't control your happiness. They do not have social standing over you to determine what is deemed right or wrong in the book of life. Because guess what? The book is made up. There is no book. 

Only your story. One that would be wasted if it wasn't filled with your triumphs and failures. One that should be honest and unforgiving and full of rights and wrongs and everything in between. Stories with torn pages and smudged type. Lessons big and small. Heartbreak and jubilation. 

See, I don't think joy simply means happiness. No, it's much more complex than that. Joy is living each day knowing that when your story ends, it won't be an afterthought. It won't be placed on a coffee table to look pretty and well-maintained.

Let it burst from the seams and speak volumes. Let it touch every single emotion. Let it run it's course into the dark and back out again. Let it weep. Let it shine. 

Let your story be joy.

Upon The Shore: Get Yourself Wet

It's okay to be broken. The world is full of once-broken souls with remarkable stories. Pain is a constant and joy is fleeting. That's pretty much what living is, after all, right? Creating storybooks in the back of our minds full of memorable moments and forgettable flashes of life?

When I sit back and really analyzed my existence, I realized something; the ratio of superb to mundane days heavily favors the latter. That's not to say I am not a happy person, however. Most days I have a chipper disposition towards my surroundings, but inside of me, a fire full of angst, anxiety, hopes, and dreams roars and I'm unsure which way the wind is blowing. There are days where I feel defeated, where I want to give in, and lay down for a long winters' nap. Moments where I feel like a faded wallflower; dust floating through the air. One thing that brings me relief is knowing I am not alone in feeling.

You might perceive a strong connection to the words I struggle to find. Words to accurately depict how life can be the gentlest, kindest soul and an unforgiving bitch the next. One thing life never does, though, is give you a moment to catch up. With or without you, it will keep rambling on, waiting to lift you up or beat you down. A lot of times, it's truly is up to you. You can sit and be complacent, self-loathing, and unremarkable or you can shake the dust that has accumulated on your heart and allow yourself to breathe again. There isn't an easy fix to a broken heart. If there was, I'm sure it would have gone viral by this point.

Our hearts are fascinating and unique and troublesome and stubborn. Inside of them live all the stories that make it a one-of-a-kind. And while it's an extremely difficult endeavor to lace up your shoes and go out seeking for the next great story, especially after finishing the ending of a painful one, it's worth it. Do not let your life become ordinary. Forget play-it-safe. You were put here to create moments, both beautiful and bleak. Divine and disheartening. Marvelous and melancholic.

It's usually the best ones that come with some risk.

-DD

Dear Me: A Letter on Life

Dear Dylan, 

By now, you've probably seen Back To The Future. I know it might be scary to read something from the future for fear of changing history, but I can assure you that everything below is just sound advice meant to shape you into the person you are supposed to become. 

You're fourteen, which means you're going to be starting high school next year. I remember high school. It was a lot of fun. I made a lot of mistakes. Some of which I'd really appreciate if you could try and avoid. If you get the urge to sneak out, don't go over to you know who's house. I won't tell you why, just know that I am looking out for your best interests. If you're parents are driving you nuts, just remember that they are still trying to protect their baby boy. It might seem crazy to think one day you'll miss the moments of nagging and telling you 'no', but trust me, you will.

You are very impressionable at 14. Don't fall victim to the users and abusers. They are hiding in plain sight, waiting to take your spirit out of you. Trust your instincts and the beautiful heart you have inside. You don't understand this now, but you are unique and interesting and people are going to seek that out one day. They are going to search for souls who want to experience life in it's purest forms. Stay honest with your morals and don't sacrifice for anything.

It's hard at your age. You want to fit in. You want to be well-liked. I get it. But who are you going to become if you try and be like everyone else? A mere shell of yourself. A mold that has the edges that look like you, but an interior that lacks any convictions.

Don't stop doing what you love to do, regardless of what the world around you says. Go out and smell the air. Have some tea, read a book, expand your essence. Find a girl, let her go. Do not dwell on the heartache. I promise the right one is waiting. Forget about the jealousy and the near-sightedness of your peers, for they are but a small sample of the vast world around you.

Most importantly, believe in yourself. You have so much potential to be great. I know this because I was once, too, in your very shoes. I know the difficulties that you are going to face and I know you have the strength and the courage to overcome them. It's easy to say this now, as a much older, experienced version of you, but if you hold onto your passions and you don't sacrifice them for who you think you want to be now, you'll be on the fast-track to a life one can only marvel at.

You're gonna move mountains someday kid, just make sure those mountains aren't full of washed-up dreams not true to your heart. Take a huge, 14 year-old, risk and simply let you be you. You won't regret it.

Cheers,

Dylan

In remembrance of my former life...

Jenks coughed his way through the hospital doors with me by his side. I was starting to think maybe he was the one that could use a little time in Intensive Care after the way he hacked a lung throughout the halls. We finally reached the elevator and stood await as it made its way down. Fifth floor, Fourth floor, three, two, one. I could feel myself starting to clench up. My stomach did it's best elevator impersonation as it dropped a few stories. Some interns pushed their way out with grimace on their faces, looking hellbent on finding some solace in a place far away from here. We stepped aboard and rode in silence to the 7th floor.
  "I better go in first, just to make sure she's stable and all is on the up and up." Jenks said.

  "Okay," was all I could muster when inside I was screaming for an escape. 

  I stood against a wall staring at some kitsch art fastened to the wall. It was an eagle soaring through the sky. It reminded me of a particular time with my father in the Catskills. We would watch the eagles and hawks circle prey from above and then nosedive downward until they captured it. I always wanted to be that free. I snapped out of it when a man in a white coat began talking to me.
 "Tom, right?"
 "Uh, yeah. Yeah, I'm Tom."
 "From what I've taken away from talking to Officer Jenkins, it looks like you were her last contact. Listen, Tom. Jenny was hit crossing the street. We put her into a coma to try and alleviate pressure on her brain, and so far everything is stable. What is your relationship with her?"
"Uhm, well, I, uh, we just kind of met."
"Then there's no easy way to say this. She came in alert, screaming for Tom. I am assuming that's you. Now, from what we can tell, she seems to be suffering from amnesia. To put it in the simplest terms, she only knows who you are."
 Shit. What can I do now? I've spent my entire life working to be absent during tumultuous times. Now I am thrown into the thick of it, deeply entrenched in a situation I can't escape.
"I don't even know who I am."

Part One

Part Two

Work In Progress (Me and You and Everyone We Know)

I was born with purpose. What that is, I'm still working on. Maybe the reason I grace this earth is the same reason I am writing to you. Maybe I am poised to be the voice for all the intricate souls like mine that vow to not lead a life of quiet desperation (thanks, Thoreau). Maybe the exact reason I was formed from the stars in the sky is to let you know you are not alone. Every day of your life has been another puzzle piece to the big picture, leading up to the moment when your seemingly uninteresting, bleak existence reveals its beauty. Maybe that's why I'm here. Maybe not. Maybe my puzzle is yet to be finished.

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Let's getaway
Find our center
Harness our chi
Do anything off the beaten path
That will allow us to stop grasping
For straws and make us take a glimpse
Into our hearts.
Let's search for the reason
We exist and continue a life
That will help us become whole.

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I don't know why I was made. I haven't found the solution to why I experience such highs and lows. My disposition towards the world is still shades of grey. All I know is there is vibrance in the universe, in each and every one of us. There is peace in the most volatile places, and there is goodness in hostile homes. And to me, that's what this is all for.

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The places we go and the people we meet all become a part of our story. No matter how short or otherwise insignificant an encounter may seem, these all become bits of our heart. Take on these moments with open arms, let the adventure find you. If for once you push instead of pull, the world might astound you.

A Taste Of The True Life

I've been at this fork in the road for some time now. Every second of every day I try and wrap my mind around which road to take to give me the life I imagined. It's utterly annoying and incredibly disheartening to be at a constant climax of what I think I need and what I truly want. The only problem with this situation is the actual pinpointing of what my wants are. I find myself good at a handful of things. I still have yet to find that piece of me that makes me shine. You might think I am being a narcissistic, self-loathing schmuck, but I refuse to let my grain-of-sand life become any more minor than it already is in the grand scheme. Maybe I struggle with the fact that being a grandiose gentleman isn't in the cards for me, but the main puzzle of my existence is finding that twinkling star in the sky that is meant for me. Finding it and holding it tight, never letting it gas out, and keeping the light shining. Perhaps this is just a part of growing into one's self. But who knows? We haven't ever crossed this bridge before. What I do know, so far, is that I won't stop searching. Wondering. Pondering upon life and death and everything in between that makes up this unique, common, tumultuous, wonderful world. And I won't stop loving.

-DD

Pursuing Passion; A Vehement Attempt At Making Your Life, Your Life.

Having what we want, when we want it, isn't always on the agenda.

  Kid Dylan might beg to differ. Adult Dylan sees it as a blessing.

Do you know the sensation? Feeling like you aren't getting what you deserve. It happens everyday, to many people, in a multitudes of ways. You've got this killer personality, but members of the opposite sex breeze by without a second glance. You have all the skills to kill a new job, but a company passes. Your passion is strong, but it isn't getting you to where you wanna be. It's easy to blame other people, to blame politics, to blame blind eyes not open to experiencing your uniqueness. 

  It's been said time and time again, if you want something, go out and get it. While I believe this to be a  worthy viewpoint on life, I think there is a little more to the equation. You cannot simply strap on your boots, hit the trail, and expect it all to happen. Maybe what you lack, is the actual want for whatever it is you are setting out to do. Maybe that's just me. Some people know when they are kids. Others find their calling in college. Fireman. Police Officer. Doctor. Superman. Wife. Husband. Discoverer. I think I have yet to put a stamp on what it is my purpose for this world is. While we all have these idealistic ideas of who we are to become, my mindset fluctuates daily on who it is I am. 

  I want to wake up each day anew, making every sunrise to sunset a high-wire balancing act full of love, passion, people, and pure existence. I want to make a new trail, set it ablaze with some real, genuine, bona fide passion, and live a life that makes heads shake. No, I don't need to be remembered. I just need to know, when my head lays down for a final rest, that what I did was bliss. I guess my main point I am trying to comprehend to you is to not get bogged down within the limits you have put in front of yourselves. Maybe what you are doing just isn't what your heart was built for. Maybe your destiny is still out there waiting for you to find it. Don't ever stop seeking the freedom to truly be you.

   I know I won't.